“"Giving children a good education so they behave well" gives way to "Educating through the quality of the relationship for healthy psychological and emotional development.".

Since research into the human mind began, it has been understood that its development depends on interaction with the environment. In other words, lived experiences, interpersonal relationships, and even cultural influences are some of the factors that shape our brain and, consequently, our behavior, thoughts, and emotions.

From John Bowlby to Peter Fonagy, all the evidence demonstrates the importance of the quality of the attachment between a child and their caregivers for their healthy development and growth.

John Bowlby was a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who developed attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of emotional bonds between infants and their caregivers for healthy social and emotional development. His theory argues that emotional security and a sense of confidence in one's ability to obtain support from caregivers are fundamental to the formation of healthy interpersonal relationships throughout life.

Peter Fonagy is a British clinical psychologist who developed therapy based on the process of mentalization, that is, the ability of people to understand and interpret their own emotions and thoughts, as well as those of others. His theory emphasizes the importance of empathy and the ability to mentalize for the development of healthy interpersonal relationships and for the resolution of emotional and psychological problems.

The parameters and concepts that define a quality parent-child relationship, within the Conscious Parenting approach, are as follows:

Open and honest communication

Respect for integrity

Psychoeducation and emotional support

Healthy boundaries

Personal responsibility

Flexibility and understanding

Equal value

1. Open and honest communication:

In a healthy relationship, it's important that everyone involved feels comfortable expressing their feelings, thoughts, and needs without fear of being judged or rejected. When children develop in an environment where authenticity is present, they also don't lose their innate authenticity, and this conveys to them that they can trust the adults around them.

2. Respect for integrity:

Respect for integrity is fundamental to developing healthy self-esteem and creating healthy relationships. Children need to be treated with respect, and their opinions and needs should be taken into account. When they express themselves or act in ways that don't make sense to adults, true respect for the child's integrity invites us to look at these situations with empathy and compassion.

3. Psychoeducation and emotional support:

It is crucial to understand what we feel and to talk openly about emotions so that we can also help our children in this area. Furthermore, children need to feel emotionally supported. It is essential that they can count on adults during difficult times and that adults validate their emotions and feelings. By showing empathy for children's emotions, we can help them learn to regulate their emotions in a healthy way, which is important for healthy emotional development.

4. Healthy boundaries:

Helping a child to express what they think, feel, and need clearly, through emotional connection, is enough to establish comfortable boundaries for everyone. Connection is the foundation of the relationship. Children don't learn boundaries through punishment, yelling, or threats. Nor do they need many "no's" to learn. The most important aspect of boundaries is understood through respect for their integrity.

5. Personal responsibility

Personal responsibility in a healthy relationship means that each individual takes responsibility for themselves, their emotions, and their needs without passing that responsibility on to the other person. Of course, parents are responsible for their children, but in this context, it means that we don't hold them responsible for what happens to us or what we feel. It's also very important to give children space to take responsibility for their own actions. Doing for them what they are capable of doing, trying to save them from situations they can handle, or not allowing them to deal with certain consequences within what is safe for them, minimizes their learning and makes them irresponsible.

6. Flexibility and understanding:

Flexibility and understanding help parents connect more deeply with their children. This is very beneficial in creating a welcoming and safe environment where children feel comfortable being themselves. Furthermore, these attitudes can help build children's self-confidence and self-esteem, promoting their autonomy and strengthening a trusting relationship between parents and children.

 7. Equal Value:

Equal Value is a fundamental concept in the Conscious Parenting approach, based on the idea that children and adults are equal in terms of dignity and personal worth, regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, or other characteristics. This concept recognizes that children are complete human beings with their own unique needs, desires, emotions, and perspectives. All people should be treated with dedication, compassion, and respect, and parents should model fair and equitable behavior towards their children.

In practice, equal value in the relationship with children implies listening to their opinions and desires, recognizing and validating their emotions, considering their needs and interests, and allowing them to make decisions and develop autonomy within healthy limits.

This means that parents should not impose their opinions or desires on their children, nor use them as a means to satisfy their own needs. Instead, they should work together, establishing a relationship of collaboration and cooperation based on mutual respect.